Utter Failures

Ok obviously I'm proud of us for advancing , but it IS a little weird to advance when you lose. I know there are reasons and stuff. We didn't fail at the whole thing. But still... It's at least worth a little laugh. MURICA! Because ... FREEDOM! And those two American players that hit their heads on each other... I can so relate to that. 

One day when I was young, probably about four, my mom told me to clean my room. As a side note, I wish I had a picture of my comforter from this age. It was bright red and had giant Mickey Mouse characters (Minnie, Daisy, etc) all playing sports on it. I loved that comforter. I also loved this Berenstein Bears story about the kids and their messy room. But I digress. I was sent to clean my room, which I did with much gusto. I like cleaning. Things were put in their place and I was all done. Except one thing. The clean room was underwhelming. Why, on the cartoons I watched, when a room was clean, it sparkled. Always. It's like propaganda. Mr. Clean sparkles... This kitchen sparkles... This clean glass sparkles... So who can blame me for what I did next? I went to the art storage area and grabbed a container of glitter. And I proceeded to glitterfy my bedroom. Glitter on the bed, the dresser, the carpeted floor -- ALL THE GLITTER!! And that was the day I...

You'd think over the course of three days I couldn't do that much damage, but you'd be wrong. I share these in hopes that 1. You feel better about yourself 2. You will share your fails so I will feel better about myself. So in no particular order, here's how I screwed up: 1. Friday night I realized I had a load of clothes in the washing machine that had been washed who knows when but had to be rewashed because they smelled bad 2. Saturday I was exhausted and slept ridiculously late. When I got up, there were some dirty dishes I needed to wash so I filled the sink with soap and water to let them soak. And promptly forgot about them. Until Sunday. 3. Saturday night we had Japanese food night with some friends. I wore a blue kimono someone kindly gave me. When I got out of the car, there was blue dye on the car seat. So now we have to get that cleaned. I also got some blue dye on my gray shorts. Yay. (Does not change the fact that I do love the kimono!) 4. S...

Do you ever have those days where you just feel like everything you do is a big fat fail? Even if that's totally not the case, it feels like you keep running into walls? That's me today. It's a very George Costanza day. Is this the summer of George, by the way? I recently started a new job which I really do love. It's great and the people I work with are great too. But with anything new there's a learning curve. Some days the light bulb flickers on and I think, "I've figured it out!" And other days it's like this scene from one of my first favorite movies: ARTAAAAAAX! I'm pretty resilient most of the time, but after things build up a bit, I hit the point that I must either cry, sleep, eat, or all three. But not at the same time. I need more coffee. And a nap. And my kitties. What's your head-desk story? Is today one of those days?

Athleticism escapes me. My husband and his siblings seem to be very adept at almost any sport they try. Even down to archery . My sisters and I have had our fails aplenty. Charlotte is the one that is most injury-prone. While trying to beat her personal mile run time, she became so dehydrated and overheated that she had to go to the ER. And when she was taking classes to try to get her lifeguarding certification, she hit her head on the pool wall during laps and got a concussion. Back to the ER. She also remembers this: "One of my first varsity volleyball games I was super nervous to try my overhand serve that was still unreliable at the time. I had a terrible toss, but went for it anyway. My hand hit nothing but air and the ball hit my face." Win. Then there's my sister Sarah. She's tall. (You're welcome, Sarah). While Charlotte and I stand around 5'3", Sarah is 5'9". People assume that means she plays basketball and volleyball. Well, she ...

Now I've had my fun in the realm of hair removal. When I very first started shaving, I got confused and shaved my arms instead of my armpits. I'm a smart girl, I am. I have really sensitive skin, so I rely on a razor vs. wax strips. My legs can't handle wax. I do however get my hair stylist to wax my eyebrows when I'm there. Plucking is ten times worse than waxing eyebrows in my opinion. Say what you will. I read this story today. The title says it, but don't eat or drink while you read it. You'll definitely spit it out laughing. The huge image is a little NSFW but just scroll past it and read away. It's the best wax fail story I've ever heard. http://mentalhealthforparents.com/do-not-drink-anything-while-reading/