I Fail at Driving

*credit to hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/ for images.

While I'm very comfortable driving now, it was not always so. A long, long time ago in a galaxy far away, I was taking my driving test for my license. In Georgia, you could get your permit with just a written test (easy peasy) and then when you turned 16, you could take the driver test for your license. No logged hours or driving schools were necessary.

When I first got behind the wheel of our Taurus, I was terrified. Any knowledge I had stored away about how the car worked (knobs, buttons, pedals) just disappeared. How do I car? What are drive?

I started with driving just around the neighborhood or in parking lots. Heavy on the gas, jerky on the brake, turning too fast, stopping too suddenly: the usual suspects. I finally got to the point that I could drive well enough to take a test, or so I thought. 16 rolled around. I procrastinated out of anxiety. Finally though, I called the driving place near our house and made an appointment.

The big day arrived. I got in the drivers seat of the car while the man who was grading me stood outside the car and had me demonstrate my knowledge of where the brake pedal was as well as the turning signals ("blinkers," in Georgia speak). I managed to pass that part easily. He then got in the front passenger seat and directed me to drive in certain patterns to show I could go straight, around curves, and avoid road debris. I even parallel parked! I was starting to feel better about myself at this point.

That's when he said those unexpected words of doom: "Now you're going to back into a parking space." Um... holiday whobie whatie?

The "parking space" was really just some cones set up in the shape of a parking space. I was supposed to back into it. This, by the way, is something I still do not and usually cannot do. I do not have great space perception. That, or I just suck. I'm not sure which.

It should come at no surprise at this point that when I began to back up, I heard a loud CRUNCH. Yes, I had backed up over the first cone. It was no longer a cone. I pulled forward and readjusted. CRUNCH. Seriously?! I put the car in park and looked at my tester. "I can't do this."

He advised me to practice and come back. When he left, I cried.

Now you may think, "So Laura, next you probably went home and practiced backing into parking spaces, right?" To which I would laugh in your face. I called another driving place (after a few weeks of brooding) and asked if backing into parking spaces was part of the test. No? Sign me up. And so I went through another driving test in another nearby area and, again, did well on the course part of the test, sans backing up into a parking space. Time for the road test (which obviously I didn't get to the first time around).

And first thing this girl did was drive through a stop sign. To be fair, it was mostly hidden behind tree branches and I honestly didn't see it. But you apparently can't drive through a stop sign and pass your test. BECAUSE THAT IS FROWNED UPON IN THIS ESTABLISHMENT.

Also, I did technically run a red light, but I was out in the middle of the road when it turned red and I had to go.

Did you pick up yet on the fact that I SUCK?!




So I cried.

After this failure, I wasted no time in rescheduling. I knew what I had to do. And I did it. After three tries, I finally passed my driving test. And I was so happy. But I really never wanted to drive again.

P.S. To this day, I do not back into ANY spaces, nor do I parallel park.