I Fail At Staying Composed While Playing Video Games

I love playing video games -- well, many video games, not all (cough, Gears of War, cough) -- but I tend to take them personally. I consider it a personal achievement when I beat a boss. Like, I am a better person for it. And if I fail, I fail at life.

My first video games that I remember were Mario Bros for NES, Link's Awakening and Donkey Kong for the original Gameboy, and then for computer, Commander Keen and original Duke Nukem.

I once peed in my pants because I refused to get up from fighting the boss in Duke Nukem to go to the bathroom. There was no pause!

I remember beating Twilight Princess (a Legend of Zelda game) around 3 a.m. one weekend many years ago and yelling in triumph! You really shouldn't yell at 3 a.m. when you're not the only person in the house.

I play League of Legends, but never solo queue (when you just jump into a random game with other people you don't know). I only play premades, and usually that consists of four family members plus me. Occasionally we'll play with friends instead, but I refuse to play with more than one or maaaaaybe two strangers. Here's why.

A few years ago I got the idea to solo queue in a 3 vs. 3 game of League of Legends. I was trying out a character I hadn't played much. I got matched with two teammates and the game started. I didn't think I did horribly, but obviously being new to the character I wasn't awesome. One of my teammates disagreed. In game, you can chat with others in the game by typing in a chat area that's visible to all 6 players. He said something about my sucking at the game and being horrible, blah blah blah.

I was already super nervous about playing solo queue, so this pushed me over the edge. I'm a sensitive person and take things way too personally, so his dumb comments plus my anxiety made me so angry, and then I called him something I shouldn't have in chat and logged off in true temper tantrum style.

And then I felt bad for saying what I had said because honestly, the player was probably a 10 year old kid.

So here I am, anxious, angry, crying, guilt-ridden: a complete mess. A 20-something woman emotionally torn asunder by a child. Jeremy was just staring at me and, I'm sure, trying not to laugh.

It was laugh worthy.

And this, friends, is why I don't solo queue anymore.

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