Utter Failures

I'd like to start this off with a disclaimer, because what I say in this blog will be really real and probably not, well, what you hear from most people. In case you haven't noticed, I'm usually pretty real, so this shouldn't be that surprising honestly. But in any case, the disclaimer is that I am happy about the pregnancy and looking forward to the future. But seriously, what in the world am I doing? The timing is fine. I mean, of course timing happens differently for different people, so I'm not saying that this timing is the only good timing (duh), but for us, it was important to have time alone. I was never the type to envision myself with kids. Honestly, I didn't even plan to get married for a long  time, but plans happily changed that. Jeremy felt the same about kids. We both figured we'd just wait and see how we felt about it later, and in the end we both decided that we could live happily with no kids, but eventually we'd regret that an...

There's really not much to say about this. I left for work and stopped by Liquid Highway  for a nice cup of coffee. Their coffee really is delicious. I was so happy, looking forward to sipping it at my desk this morning. And then I got to work and got out of the car ... and ... That's ... just the saddest thing. And now I feel like

My grandpa, Roger, was a cool guy. He passed away a few years ago; today would have been his birthday. Every year my family would get together around this time and throw a party for him. He was cool that way, getting a birthday party every year. I miss him. He had a way of making you feel like the most important, special person, even if you were one of 30 people in the house or one of the grandkids vying for his attention. When he was with you, he focused his attention on you. I think we all had something we enjoyed doing with Papaw that we felt was "our" thing -- whether playing a game, watching a movie, or listening to music. The thing I enjoyed doing with him was drinking coffee and watching Star Trek, preferably The Original Series. He loved  it, and so did I. Usually we sat watching and sipping coffee in silence. You really didn't have to say anything when you were with him. Just being around him was comforting somehow. I don't recall when it was, but at...

I love playing video games -- well, many  video games, not all (cough, Gears of War, cough) -- but I tend to take them personally. I consider it a personal achievement when I beat a boss. Like, I am a better person for it. And if I fail, I fail at life. My first video games that I remember were Mario Bros for NES, Link's Awakening and Donkey Kong for the original Gameboy, and then for computer, Commander Keen and original Duke Nukem. I once peed in my pants because I refused to get up from fighting the boss in Duke Nukem to go to the bathroom. There was no pause! I remember beating Twilight Princess (a Legend of Zelda game) around 3 a.m. one weekend many years ago and yelling in triumph! You really shouldn't yell at 3 a.m. when you're not the only person in the house. I play League of Legends, but never solo queue (when you just jump into a random game with other people you don't know). I only play premades, and usually that consists of four family members pl...

I've been reading The Silmarillion for months now. Really since early this year.  I read fairly quickly, but I hate reading for deadlines. I spent too much time reading to finish books and not to really understand, so now I really try to take my time with books. With The Silmarillion, which I will heretofore refer to as T.S., this "trying to understand" bit presents a challenge.  <side note: Don't you love the word "heretofore"? I do.> I love Tolkien and his world. The Hobbit is awesome. I've been known to get into somewhat deep discussions about it on Reddit. Same with the trilogy. Shall we discuss the real villain in The Hobbit? I will! But T.S. is a history with every sentence packed with INFORMATION. ALL the information. Like, you can read a paragraph and have an entire family history. The version I have comes with 2 maps, at least 5 family trees, and 2 glossaries. For a ~300 page book. To remember names, I created a l...

I love that song 99 Red Balloons so that's why it's in the title. It really doesn't fit this story at all. Now that we've cleared that up... I went to my 5-year-old friend's birthday party Saturday morning at the Mountain Goat Indoor Rock Climbing Gym . Our friends from our small group at church had very kindly invited us, and we were super excited to help little Katie celebrate 5 years! She is a very sweet girl and an avid reader like myself. In fact, we exchanged books a few times. She gave me Fancy Nancy to read (very cute book!) and I let her read my Poky Little Puppy book -- a favorite from when I was little -- and a Snow White book I had. Katie got lots of gifts, including some awesome light sabers. I gave her a couple of books for kids by Neil Gaiman -- I love his books for adults and was really excited when he started also writing kids' books. So we had a blast. We climbed walls and ate yummy cake that Julie (Katie's mom) made. All was going ...

I am not a  parent... yet. Nor am I pregnant (for anyone who took that the wrong way). I'll let you know if and when that happens. You will know because I will say so, but I will not be posting alien photos aka ultrasounds of said future offspring. I do not mind if you do of course, and that is none of my business, but I personally find them off-putting. Hello, little alien creature. I wouldn't say that in general I like kids. Actually that's never been the case for me. I never really dreamed of having kids. I dreamed of being an astronaut though. Having said that, I know I do want kids. Not because I think being pregnant will be fun (probably not), nor will giving birth, nor will cleaning up after them or changing my whole lifestyle or spending my money on them. WOW Laura, you're so cynical. Maybe, but it's true isn't it? Gotta be realistic about these things. But knowing all those things are in my future if we do have kids, I still want to... eventually....

In May, Jeremy and I went to Ice and Fire Con in Ohio. It was a blast! I cosplayed Asha Greyjoy  based lightly on the linked image (don't get me started on Yara , the show version of her. What is dead may never die , but I'd be ok if Yara died...). Jeremy went as book-version Oberyn Martell , The Red Viper. Why do I specify book version? Because in the book Oberyn is soooo cool. He has that Asian/Middle Eastern flair and you know he is smart, calculating, and will kick your butt. Show version is less impressive in my opinion, though Pedro Pascal did a good job for sure. Plus I wasn't thrilled with how they handled his relationship with Ellaria. But I digress... So I made this (not shoes or spears), and Jeremy rocked it! And if I do say so myself, it looks really cool. Especially in pictures. Now if you got up close to the red tunic you'd see the gold trim I used wasn't ideal. As someone who's still learning every day more about sewing, each project...

So back in college, there was a girl who wore a forest green cape every day. I don't remember her name, though I roomed across the hall from her one year. She was obviously very into fantasy. She loved Lord of the Rings and had a whole fantasy village set up outside her room window. Most people thought she was a little weird and quite a few made fun of her. I remember just thinking she was a little different. I mean, I liked LOTR too, but I didn't wear a cape. No one else did. She was a nice girl though. I know she MUST have known she was the object of a lot of jokes. Despite what people think, you're never oblivious to that. Well, today, I made a green cloak. Now, I'm the "cape girl"! I guess some people might mock me. Honestly, I don't care. Not at this point. I've learned how to sew and can make a cloak! In fact, I did so in just a few hours today. So I'm pretty proud of myself. The character I'm cosplaying is Kvothe from The Name...

ISFJ and INTP . Those are the combination personality types that describe me. Introvert. Actually I used that linked version of the personality test so I could match myself up with my Star Trek homies! I got these two:  What's an introvert, I mean really? Actually the dictionary does a pretty crappy job of defining introversion. Let's look to the epitome of truth, Wikipedia, for some characteristics of introverts: - more reserved and less outspoken in groups - take pleasure in solitary activities such as reading, writing, using computers, hiking and fishing. - likely to enjoy time spent alone and find less reward in time spent with large groups of people, though he or she may enjoy interactions with close friends.  - Trust is usually an issue of significance: a virtue of utmost importance to introverts is choosing a worthy companion.  - prefer to concentrate on a single activity at a time and like to observe situations before they participate, especial...

If you've read any number of my blog posts, you understand I have a problem with, well, failures. A clumsy mess am I. The upside to this is I have learned a lot of "lifehacks" along the way. Things that have saved me a time or two. Here are some of my tried and true favorites. If you get grease on your clothes -- cooking, working on the car, etc -- you can use shampoo or dish washing liquid to get it out. Think about it. Those cleaners are created to REMOVE GREASE. It works too. Just let it sit for a while and work into the stain, then wash it as normal. If you tend to put something down and forget where it is, do this: as soon as you put it down, imagine it exploding right there. Seriously close your eyes for 2 seconds and picture the explosion. You will not forget that your keys are on the stove because you just thought about them exploding there. When your brain thinks, "Where are my keys?" you will remember exactly where they are. If you burn your ha...

Ok obviously I'm proud of us for advancing , but it IS a little weird to advance when you lose. I know there are reasons and stuff. We didn't fail at the whole thing. But still... It's at least worth a little laugh. MURICA! Because ... FREEDOM! And those two American players that hit their heads on each other... I can so relate to that. 

One day when I was young, probably about four, my mom told me to clean my room. As a side note, I wish I had a picture of my comforter from this age. It was bright red and had giant Mickey Mouse characters (Minnie, Daisy, etc) all playing sports on it. I loved that comforter. I also loved this Berenstein Bears story about the kids and their messy room. But I digress. I was sent to clean my room, which I did with much gusto. I like cleaning. Things were put in their place and I was all done. Except one thing. The clean room was underwhelming. Why, on the cartoons I watched, when a room was clean, it sparkled. Always. It's like propaganda. Mr. Clean sparkles... This kitchen sparkles... This clean glass sparkles... So who can blame me for what I did next? I went to the art storage area and grabbed a container of glitter. And I proceeded to glitterfy my bedroom. Glitter on the bed, the dresser, the carpeted floor -- ALL THE GLITTER!! And that was the day I...

You'd think over the course of three days I couldn't do that much damage, but you'd be wrong. I share these in hopes that 1. You feel better about yourself 2. You will share your fails so I will feel better about myself. So in no particular order, here's how I screwed up: 1. Friday night I realized I had a load of clothes in the washing machine that had been washed who knows when but had to be rewashed because they smelled bad 2. Saturday I was exhausted and slept ridiculously late. When I got up, there were some dirty dishes I needed to wash so I filled the sink with soap and water to let them soak. And promptly forgot about them. Until Sunday. 3. Saturday night we had Japanese food night with some friends. I wore a blue kimono someone kindly gave me. When I got out of the car, there was blue dye on the car seat. So now we have to get that cleaned. I also got some blue dye on my gray shorts. Yay. (Does not change the fact that I do love the kimono!) 4. S...

Do you ever have those days where you just feel like everything you do is a big fat fail? Even if that's totally not the case, it feels like you keep running into walls? That's me today. It's a very George Costanza day. Is this the summer of George, by the way? I recently started a new job which I really do love. It's great and the people I work with are great too. But with anything new there's a learning curve. Some days the light bulb flickers on and I think, "I've figured it out!" And other days it's like this scene from one of my first favorite movies: ARTAAAAAAX! I'm pretty resilient most of the time, but after things build up a bit, I hit the point that I must either cry, sleep, eat, or all three. But not at the same time. I need more coffee. And a nap. And my kitties. What's your head-desk story? Is today one of those days?

Athleticism escapes me. My husband and his siblings seem to be very adept at almost any sport they try. Even down to archery . My sisters and I have had our fails aplenty. Charlotte is the one that is most injury-prone. While trying to beat her personal mile run time, she became so dehydrated and overheated that she had to go to the ER. And when she was taking classes to try to get her lifeguarding certification, she hit her head on the pool wall during laps and got a concussion. Back to the ER. She also remembers this: "One of my first varsity volleyball games I was super nervous to try my overhand serve that was still unreliable at the time. I had a terrible toss, but went for it anyway. My hand hit nothing but air and the ball hit my face." Win. Then there's my sister Sarah. She's tall. (You're welcome, Sarah). While Charlotte and I stand around 5'3", Sarah is 5'9". People assume that means she plays basketball and volleyball. Well, she ...

Now I've had my fun in the realm of hair removal. When I very first started shaving, I got confused and shaved my arms instead of my armpits. I'm a smart girl, I am. I have really sensitive skin, so I rely on a razor vs. wax strips. My legs can't handle wax. I do however get my hair stylist to wax my eyebrows when I'm there. Plucking is ten times worse than waxing eyebrows in my opinion. Say what you will. I read this story today. The title says it, but don't eat or drink while you read it. You'll definitely spit it out laughing. The huge image is a little NSFW but just scroll past it and read away. It's the best wax fail story I've ever heard. http://mentalhealthforparents.com/do-not-drink-anything-while-reading/

I saw this article this morning and immediately thought of myself. Thankfully I haven't sustained any really bad injuries due to falling. I did hurt my back in a way that annoyingly pops up again every once in a while, but honestly I can't complain. I did find it very interesting that one of the people the article discusses shares my former last name, Stapp. Talk about fate. "[T]he father of injury biomechanics was an Air Force flight surgeon named John Stapp." Seriously... things happen for a reason. Enjoy the article. http://boingboing.net/2014/05/29/the-science-of-faceplanting.html

A guest post by my sister, Charlotte Stapp, on her birthday. When I was smaller, one of my favorite snacks was an orange.  The thing is, I would never think of it myself. Dad would bring an orange downstairs for himself, and start peeling it and pulling it apart in perfectly neat sections. This always amazed me.  About halfway through this process, he would look up and notice a wide-eyed little girl staring eagerly at the orange in his hands. He never failed to ask if I wanted one, which of course, I did. He would give me the one he was working on, and then get himself another one.  Nostalgia aside, I still really like oranges. The problem is that I completely fail at peeling them and pulling them apart neatly the way my dad did, and the way I liked them to be. I've tried it just using my hands. I've tried it using a knife, but I always end up ripping into it like a savage desperate for citrus-y goodness. Behold, my shredded snack, two days in a row:   ...

A very funny guest blog by Eliott Stokes You would not think it was my fate, To lose my hold upon the plate, But lo it made a dreadful sound, When it hit upon the ground, The carrots scattered, The dishes rattled, The chips flew wide, The cheese ended on its side. I thought that this would end my tale, But today it was an epic fail. As I ventured up the stairs, Trying to leave behind my cares, Holding coffee and treats in hand, I didn’t quite expect to land, Suddenly and without grace, With coffee dripping down my face, Sweets tumbling far and high and low, To my knees and elbows, I did go. I landed hard and was in pain, I wasn’t quickly to regain, My sense of balance or my pride. But before the coffee dried, I tackled the mess with sponge and broom, And then retreated to my room. It keeps me calm and helps my worry, To share with you this cautionary story, Hold tight to plates and drink, They’re more slippery than one might think.

I got distracted in champ select and didn't realize it was my turn. I was reading a Game of Thrones theory on Reddit (Is a certain sellsword also a certain Greyjoy?) Anyway, so then because I didn't select my champ in 30 seconds, we had to wait 5 minutes as a penalty before we could try again. Riot plz. GG.

This was our friend Eliott's cheese slicer, may it rest in pieces. This is why we can't have nice things.

We were home and threw away a piece of white cardboard. Our friend Tyler was visiting and noticed something funny about how it looked in the trash. This is the result. Thanks, Tyler.

Save me Panni Lee. You're my only hope. Oh and i cut my finger on the mandolin...I had the foresight at least to remove my rings for this.