It’s hard to write about certain things.
When I was younger, I would let my emotions roll with the highs and lows. Good things are happening? Life's a breeze, and it’s wonderful to be alive! Things take a turn for the worse? Life is terrible, and I’m going to mope about it and probably write some emo poems.
As I’ve grown, I can begin to see the ways He providentially allowed those more difficult times in my adolescence to show me my need for Him. This is an odd beginning to a story. Hang in there with me.
All that to say, last month, God gave us a house.
We celebrate six years of marriage on June 15th, and God gave us a house.
Josh and I knew from the beginning that owning a house would be years down the road, but we made a decision to be thankful for whatever God provided. Well, at first, that was a little apartment in Alton, Texas. Look it up. You won’t be able to find it, but it’s in the Rio Grande Valley, and I loved it. It was our first place. For the first few months, our “sofa” was lawn chairs from the Target clearance aisle and our mattresses laid on the floor. We were perfectly fine.
Until everything happened at once.
Both our cars died. It wasn’t too surprising since mine was a ‘93 Ford Explorer with 400,000 plus miles on it, and Josh’s wasn’t much better. So we got a loan and bought the cheapest car on the lot. We can live with one car. No big deal.
And then.
We lost our health insurance, but I got coverage through a new plan on the Marketplace, and I made sure there were doctors listed in my area. Ok...
And then.
We found out we were expecting. For over a year, we had been praying and hoping for a baby. But the timing…
We were broken.
With all of these events happening simultaneously, we weren’t making it financially. One routine ultrasound alone wiped out our savings. We prayed and begged God to let us stay. We loved our town and our church and our school and what we were doing there. We couldn’t imagine leaving.
All those different things God had used through high school and college and post-college were now being tested again in my heart. “Do you trust Me?”
We did.
It broke our hearts. We cried. We packed. And with no house of our own, we moved in with our parents with just about three months to go before Jane arrived. There’s a whole other blog post just in having my first child, and maybe one day I’ll share that story. But, I’ll fast forward for you now.
Three and a half years later, we have two beautiful, healthy daughters. We have two cars. (They both work!) We are working in jobs with a church and school that we had hoped and dreamed for. And almost out of nowhere, God gave us the most beautiful, spacious, perfect house for our family to
grow in.
But for those three and a half years, we did not know what our future held. Having an infant and a toddler in your parents’ house probably sounds as appealing to you as it did to us even though we love my parents and couldn’t be more thankful to them for their help. We wouldn’t be in this house without you guys!
But where we lived didn’t matter. In the apartment in Texas, in my parents’ house, in our own house - those are just places. Our relationships with God and with each other and with our children is the only thing that mattered then and that matters now. It was incredibly hard, but we chose to wait for His timing. We knew in the waiting He was preparing us for something, and we are just at the beginning of what that something is.
Even in the last week before we closed on our house, it seemed like everything fell apart. We had to come up with a lot more money, and it didn’t seem possible. Josh called me, and we both decided to keep walking by faith. I told him to just come home, and we would pray. During that time, although I was sad, I wasn’t anxious. I knew God would either provide for this house, or He would provide in another way. By the time Josh got home, the entire thing had been worked out in the most providential way, and we just sat there astonished.
Hindsight being what it is, we can see how God led us away from something that we loved but wasn’t sustainable for our family. Although we loved what we were doing in Texas and keep in touch with that community, a large part of that financial strain and stress has now been lifted from our family so we are free to still minister, but slowly pay off debt rather than sink into more.
God knew what job and ministry opportunities would open here at the exact time we needed and wanted them. He is the Great Designer and Architect of our lives, and when we felt like we were floundering, He wasn’t. This isn’t His back-up plan for our lives. This is His kind and gracious plan - heartbreak and all. Every step of the way, He led and, more importantly, used that time of waiting to cultivate our character and prune away the pieces that trusted in our own wisdom.
It was incredibly easy to feel that my problems were all consuming and the most important things in the world. After all, they weren’t small things. They were life-changing things: moving 1,000 miles away when almost seven months pregnant, another baby 22 months after the first, terrible postpartum depression, and no home. It became a daily battle of asking God to give me the faith to trust Him instead of relying on my old friends, stress and worry.
Chip and Jo said in their book that they didn’t become who they were when they finally got to their farmhouse. They stayed faithful and strong and persevered through some really tough situations, and it made them appreciate the farmhouse that much more, but they were the same people that they always were. Jo reminisces about houses she didn’t care for and how she worked to find the beauty somewhere in that house and had to remind herself to have a grateful heart no matter the circumstances. I resonated with that deeply. I too wanted our own home but knew I couldn’t wait to be the person I needed to be when I got there. I had to start now.
This home may be our forever home. (I personally hope that it is.) But God could take it away tomorrow. The goal was never to “have a home,” although I can’t express how grateful we are for it. The goal was, and is, to be like Christ and glorify Him no matter where He has our family. You can say that it’s easy to say that once you’re in a home. Yeah, it’s a little easier, but Josh and I decided that on Day 1. We haven’t lived it out perfectly, but we have always come back to that.
There are many verses and quotes and songs that have meant a lot to me the past three and a half years, and I wanted to share those with you. If you find yourself in a place of waiting for God to show you what to do or where to go or where to LIVE, you are not alone. Share your journey with someone you trust and who will be both sympathetic and point you back to God and His truth. Lean into your local church. Go even when it’s hard and you find yourself crying in a bathroom stall. I can’t thank our church enough for their encouragement and kindness to our family.
First, this incredibly hard and convicting quote from Francis Chan’s Crazy Love:
“Worry implies that we don't quite trust God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what's happening in our lives.
Stress says the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace towards others, or our tight grip of control.
Basically, these two behaviors communicate that it's okay to sin and not trust God because the stuff in my life is somehow exceptional. Both worry and stress reek of arrogance. They declare our tendency to forget that we've been forgiven, that our lives are brief ... and that in the context of God's strength, our problems are small, indeed.”
A few of my favorite verses:
Daniel 3 “If not, He is still good.”
Psalm 136 “His steadfast love endures forever.”
2 Chronicles 20:12 “We do not know what to do, Lord, but our eyes are on you.”
Songs:
“Jesus, Draw Me Ever Nearer”
“He Will Not Let Go”
“All I Have is Christ”
“It Is Well With My Soul”
Books:
Crazy Love - Francis Chan
The Magnolia Story - Chip and Joanna Gaines
Counter Culture - David Platt
You and Me Forever - Francis Chan
The Meaning of Marriage - Tim Keller
Missional Motherhood - Gloria Furman
Helpful Online Resources:
The Gospel Coalition
Desiring God
Risen Motherhood
She Reads Truth
Helpful Kids Resources:
The Biggest Story
Kids Read Truth
Tiny Theologians
Catechesis Books
Coffey Design Co
a guest blog post by my sister, Sarah Munne
When I was younger, I would let my emotions roll with the highs and lows. Good things are happening? Life's a breeze, and it’s wonderful to be alive! Things take a turn for the worse? Life is terrible, and I’m going to mope about it and probably write some emo poems.
As I’ve grown, I can begin to see the ways He providentially allowed those more difficult times in my adolescence to show me my need for Him. This is an odd beginning to a story. Hang in there with me.
All that to say, last month, God gave us a house.
We celebrate six years of marriage on June 15th, and God gave us a house.
Josh and I knew from the beginning that owning a house would be years down the road, but we made a decision to be thankful for whatever God provided. Well, at first, that was a little apartment in Alton, Texas. Look it up. You won’t be able to find it, but it’s in the Rio Grande Valley, and I loved it. It was our first place. For the first few months, our “sofa” was lawn chairs from the Target clearance aisle and our mattresses laid on the floor. We were perfectly fine.Until everything happened at once.
Both our cars died. It wasn’t too surprising since mine was a ‘93 Ford Explorer with 400,000 plus miles on it, and Josh’s wasn’t much better. So we got a loan and bought the cheapest car on the lot. We can live with one car. No big deal.
And then.
We lost our health insurance, but I got coverage through a new plan on the Marketplace, and I made sure there were doctors listed in my area. Ok...
And then.
We found out we were expecting. For over a year, we had been praying and hoping for a baby. But the timing…We were broken.
With all of these events happening simultaneously, we weren’t making it financially. One routine ultrasound alone wiped out our savings. We prayed and begged God to let us stay. We loved our town and our church and our school and what we were doing there. We couldn’t imagine leaving.
All those different things God had used through high school and college and post-college were now being tested again in my heart. “Do you trust Me?”
We did.
It broke our hearts. We cried. We packed. And with no house of our own, we moved in with our parents with just about three months to go before Jane arrived. There’s a whole other blog post just in having my first child, and maybe one day I’ll share that story. But, I’ll fast forward for you now.
Three and a half years later, we have two beautiful, healthy daughters. We have two cars. (They both work!) We are working in jobs with a church and school that we had hoped and dreamed for. And almost out of nowhere, God gave us the most beautiful, spacious, perfect house for our family to
grow in.
But where we lived didn’t matter. In the apartment in Texas, in my parents’ house, in our own house - those are just places. Our relationships with God and with each other and with our children is the only thing that mattered then and that matters now. It was incredibly hard, but we chose to wait for His timing. We knew in the waiting He was preparing us for something, and we are just at the beginning of what that something is.
Even in the last week before we closed on our house, it seemed like everything fell apart. We had to come up with a lot more money, and it didn’t seem possible. Josh called me, and we both decided to keep walking by faith. I told him to just come home, and we would pray. During that time, although I was sad, I wasn’t anxious. I knew God would either provide for this house, or He would provide in another way. By the time Josh got home, the entire thing had been worked out in the most providential way, and we just sat there astonished.Hindsight being what it is, we can see how God led us away from something that we loved but wasn’t sustainable for our family. Although we loved what we were doing in Texas and keep in touch with that community, a large part of that financial strain and stress has now been lifted from our family so we are free to still minister, but slowly pay off debt rather than sink into more.
God knew what job and ministry opportunities would open here at the exact time we needed and wanted them. He is the Great Designer and Architect of our lives, and when we felt like we were floundering, He wasn’t. This isn’t His back-up plan for our lives. This is His kind and gracious plan - heartbreak and all. Every step of the way, He led and, more importantly, used that time of waiting to cultivate our character and prune away the pieces that trusted in our own wisdom.
It was incredibly easy to feel that my problems were all consuming and the most important things in the world. After all, they weren’t small things. They were life-changing things: moving 1,000 miles away when almost seven months pregnant, another baby 22 months after the first, terrible postpartum depression, and no home. It became a daily battle of asking God to give me the faith to trust Him instead of relying on my old friends, stress and worry.
Chip and Jo said in their book that they didn’t become who they were when they finally got to their farmhouse. They stayed faithful and strong and persevered through some really tough situations, and it made them appreciate the farmhouse that much more, but they were the same people that they always were. Jo reminisces about houses she didn’t care for and how she worked to find the beauty somewhere in that house and had to remind herself to have a grateful heart no matter the circumstances. I resonated with that deeply. I too wanted our own home but knew I couldn’t wait to be the person I needed to be when I got there. I had to start now.
This home may be our forever home. (I personally hope that it is.) But God could take it away tomorrow. The goal was never to “have a home,” although I can’t express how grateful we are for it. The goal was, and is, to be like Christ and glorify Him no matter where He has our family. You can say that it’s easy to say that once you’re in a home. Yeah, it’s a little easier, but Josh and I decided that on Day 1. We haven’t lived it out perfectly, but we have always come back to that.
There are many verses and quotes and songs that have meant a lot to me the past three and a half years, and I wanted to share those with you. If you find yourself in a place of waiting for God to show you what to do or where to go or where to LIVE, you are not alone. Share your journey with someone you trust and who will be both sympathetic and point you back to God and His truth. Lean into your local church. Go even when it’s hard and you find yourself crying in a bathroom stall. I can’t thank our church enough for their encouragement and kindness to our family.
First, this incredibly hard and convicting quote from Francis Chan’s Crazy Love:
“Worry implies that we don't quite trust God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what's happening in our lives.
Stress says the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace towards others, or our tight grip of control.Basically, these two behaviors communicate that it's okay to sin and not trust God because the stuff in my life is somehow exceptional. Both worry and stress reek of arrogance. They declare our tendency to forget that we've been forgiven, that our lives are brief ... and that in the context of God's strength, our problems are small, indeed.”
A few of my favorite verses:
Daniel 3 “If not, He is still good.”
Psalm 136 “His steadfast love endures forever.”
2 Chronicles 20:12 “We do not know what to do, Lord, but our eyes are on you.”
Songs:
“Jesus, Draw Me Ever Nearer”
“He Will Not Let Go”
“All I Have is Christ”
“It Is Well With My Soul”
Books:
Crazy Love - Francis Chan
The Magnolia Story - Chip and Joanna Gaines
Counter Culture - David Platt
You and Me Forever - Francis Chan
The Meaning of Marriage - Tim Keller
Missional Motherhood - Gloria Furman
Helpful Online Resources:
The Gospel Coalition
Desiring God
Risen Motherhood
She Reads Truth
Helpful Kids Resources:
The Biggest Story
Kids Read Truth
Tiny Theologians
Catechesis Books
Coffey Design Co
a guest blog post by my sister, Sarah Munne
Thanks for sharing your story, Sarah!
ReplyDelete