I was in my mid-20s when someone said something about me that I'll always remember. She told me that I was the person that connected other people with who/what they needed.
I certainly don't have all (or even many) of the answers. I actually have a few answers. And those are mostly related to Sci-Fi things. But I have found a lot of value in helping people find answers outside of myself.
Second, it helps to be connected with other people in deep, meaningful relationships. In order to help others, you need to be very grounded and have relationships in which you are vulnerable and honest. It's hard to help others who might be hurting or have their own issues when you're not "real" with other people yourself. I naturally do not like these kinds of relationships. People are messy and annoying and needy. (People like me, for instance). BUT it's so crucial. For me, our small group from our church has been the most obvious example of that in my life. Eight families, more or less, who are always connected via Facebook, text, and regular meetings together. Being open with them allows me the freedom to help other people be open, too. And over the years, I have learned to really love those deep relationships and value them soooo much. (And we have way too much fun together).
You just aren't going to really make much of a difference in someone else life if, first of all, you don't notice them, and second of all, you don't care about them. And you're not just going to magically start caring one day. It starts with doing that thing that you don't want to do and are too tired to do but know you should do. Even if you aren't happy about doing it, you do it because you *should do it. And over time, you start to want to do it. And then over time, you start noticing people and the nuances that give away what's going on behind their eyes.
I didn't even know that was a thing, to be honest. But it really stuck with me, and I'm so glad she told me that. It changed a lot of things for me!
To me, the best person to know was the person who knew the answers. So, knowing relatively few answers, I didn't think I was a very important person to know. Not that I was useless or anything. Just not super helpful.
I'm changing my mind about that. And I am really starting to embrace and love being a connector.
Whether it's connecting a person with a book, a friend, a group, an online resource, or a great local small business, I really love connecting. As I have embraced this role, I've seen even more opportunities just land in my lap -- it's not like I go looking for this stuff -- but people will just start talking to me randomly and, there it is, the opportunity to connect them to what they need. In the past, it's been counseling/advice, great coffee, a helpful book, an online group of likeminded people, a church, an inspiring artist I found online, a great anime, another person with a similar health concern, a job opportunity, a freelancer who could help on a project, and so on.
As a connector, you can't do all the things. But you can see how things fit together. You see people's strengths and figure out how they can fit into a larger picture and contribute. Not in a purely pragmatic way, but just in helping them find where they fit in.
I certainly don't have all (or even many) of the answers. I actually have a few answers. And those are mostly related to Sci-Fi things. But I have found a lot of value in helping people find answers outside of myself.
There are a few things I've realized over the years about being a connector. I'm sharing this because maybe if you're also a connector (but maybe you haven't realized or embraced it), you might find this helpful. If not, please carry on my wayward son.
First, it really helps to read. You don't have to read what I like to read. But reading expands your world so much and allows you to connect with other people who might be very different than you.
Second, it helps to be connected with other people in deep, meaningful relationships. In order to help others, you need to be very grounded and have relationships in which you are vulnerable and honest. It's hard to help others who might be hurting or have their own issues when you're not "real" with other people yourself. I naturally do not like these kinds of relationships. People are messy and annoying and needy. (People like me, for instance). BUT it's so crucial. For me, our small group from our church has been the most obvious example of that in my life. Eight families, more or less, who are always connected via Facebook, text, and regular meetings together. Being open with them allows me the freedom to help other people be open, too. And over the years, I have learned to really love those deep relationships and value them soooo much. (And we have way too much fun together).
Third, you have to care. And this one is surprisingly hard for me. It is so easy for me, a checklisting, project completer, to focus on what I'm doing and completely ignore the stuff going on around me. Especially the people around me. Jeremy actually has been the biggest influence in my life to change my heart. He is an "acts of service" love language guy, and he is always ALWAYS the first one to help someone out. Sometimes, to my chagrin.
You just aren't going to really make much of a difference in someone else life if, first of all, you don't notice them, and second of all, you don't care about them. And you're not just going to magically start caring one day. It starts with doing that thing that you don't want to do and are too tired to do but know you should do. Even if you aren't happy about doing it, you do it because you *should do it. And over time, you start to want to do it. And then over time, you start noticing people and the nuances that give away what's going on behind their eyes.
And then, you become a connector.
And please don't think I'm preaching this from the perspective of someone who is really good at it or is a CONNECTOR-PRO™. I'm not. I still really have to practice those 3 things (not so much #1...I read all the time, but #2 and #3 for sure).
My blog has its name for a reason. But I love using this platform to share things I'm learning or working through and, hopefully, to help anyone who might read it and relate to something I've said. It's always cool when you guys connect with something here and we have that "You too?!" moment! So, if you're a connector like me, let me know!
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