Utter Failures

When I was in elementary, we had a collection of kids' abridged classics. The thing is, I didn't know they were abridged. And, after reading through all the Nancy Drews and other things I was interested in, I needed something "bigger" to read. So around age 11 or so, I got interested in the classics. I remember looking at the stack and being excited to read Treasure Island, Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde, Around the World in 80 Days, etc. So, I started reading and was like... ok these aren't so hard. I don't see what the big deal is. And then... And then. I discovered that these books WERE NOT THE REAL BOOKS. I was furious. I had been tricked! The nerve! Who pays money for fake, incomplete books?? (I was in full-on "speak to the manager" mode... a miniature vesrion of "Janet", if you will) Deciding never again to be fooled by the publishers of these imposters, I went in search of the real thing, and I started collecting unabridged classic...

I was driving alone a few weeks ago and talking/praying out loud about some things that I wasn't thrilled about and hoped would change. Vehicles and appliances that needed repair... basically smallish things that just weren't status quo. And in the middle of my conversation, I suddenly had a thought occur to me. Almost like a voice spoke to me. And what it said was this: "Laura, you are kind of a negative person." I stopped talking, my mouth wide open. Uh... what? And then I thought about it for a second and just had to smile at that realization. Yeah. Yeah, I am. I would have always described myself as a pragmatic or realistic person, definitely not overly positive, but not negative. But in the past year, I've been... shall we say, in a funk. Which is a long time to be in a funk. But having my second child and working full-time and also doing all the "mom" things while trying to manage chronic pain and fatigue... that really started to take more ...

A friend shared an inspirational quote on Instagram the other day and it got me thinking. Here's the quote: So at first glance, I agree with the quote. We should be doing our best and giving each day all our effort. And our faith would agree: Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. - Colossians 3:23 & 24 But what gave me pause was the way the quote could be taken. YOU are better than being average. YOU deserve the best. YOU need to live in a way that brings YOU all the things YOU want so YOU can be a SUCCESS. I'm not saying at all that the friend intended that. (If that was you, please don't @ me!) But contrast the "YOU"-focused application with this: I think most of us (Christians and not) would see through and denounce the prosperity gospel advocated by the Joel Osteens of the world. That's probably n...

Someone told me the other day I should have a blog about the reality of having kids since most "mom blogs" are more idealistic or at least don't show the everyday messy reality. I'm not going to create a new blog -- this one is largely about those types of things, anyway. But I decided I'd write a post about that topic. Keep in mind, this is my point of view and experience. So here we go -- Having Kids: Expectations vs. Reality. Expectation: I don't think I'm actually prepared to have kids Reality: I wasn't Expectation: I'm going to be really tired Reality: I am Expectation: I have no idea what I'm doing Reality: I didn't Expectation: I don't think I can do it all... Reality: I can't Expectation: I am going try my best to balance work and home life Reality: Still working on that Expectation: I'm pretty laid back. Wonder if I'll stay that way? Reality: Eh... Expectation: I don't like kids... I wonder...

On our 10th anniversary, I thought I'd post a blog about US! How It Happened Neither of us were really looking to get married. We weren’t against it at all, but we weren’t “aiming” for it. I had ideas about what I was going to do in my early-to-mid twenties and so did Jeremy. We’d both dated some, but nothing was ever a good fit. And then one day I was working in the fitness center and this guy comes in that I didn’t remember seeing before. Something that happened was funny (neither of us remember what), but we remember laughing together while he checked in at the desk. And that was the end of that. Except it wasn’t. Later that week, we saw each other during a meal, and said hi. Jeremy thought, again, that he’d probably never see me again, so as a joke, he introduced himself as Billy. And I was like… um ok. Whatever. And that was that. Except it wasn’t. We saw each other again at the fitness center. And he had to confess his real name. And then we talked about Star Trek....

I was in my mid-20s when someone said something about me that I'll always remember. She told me that I was the person that connected other people with who/what they needed. I didn't even know that was a thing, to be honest. But it really stuck with me, and I'm so glad she told me that. It changed a lot of things for me! To me, the best person to know was the person who knew the answers. So, knowing relatively few answers, I didn't think I was a very important person to know. Not that I was useless or anything. Just not super helpful.  I'm changing my mind about that. And I am really starting to embrace and love being a connector. Whether it's connecting a person with a book, a friend, a group, an online resource, or a great local small business, I really love connecting. As I have embraced this role, I've seen even more opportunities just land in my lap -- it's not like I go looking for this stuff -- but people will just start talking to ...

So this is a departure from normal blogging style to just talk about medical tests for a minute. Because I've had a lot of them. You all know about my fibro diagnosis and that whole process. It involved like... seriously a billion tests. Seriously. And all were negative. Every. Single. One. Which is good -- don't get me wrong. It's good. I'm glad. But it's frustrating when the answer is always "nope, it's not that. *shrug." During that process, I had ultrasounds, cat scans, bloodwork, celiac tests, a colonoscopy, and even heart tests. Fibro is weird and the symptoms are all over the place, hence the randomness of the tests. Anyway, since then, I've had a lot more tests as other new things have come up. More heart tests (the echocardiogram is super cool, honestly), more bloodwork, and so on. Most recently, the doctor thought that, unrelated to any of that, my gallbladder was probably crapping out on me because I'm in my mid-30s and femal...

The past few weeks have been crazy! I haven’t blogged mainly because I just haven’t had time or energy to do it. I’ve been exhausted.  We went to DragonCon, which was a blast, but I had been having stomach pain for a few weeks off and on and had that kind of in the background. We got back in town and had to take Bastian for a quick ear check because he’s fighting a cold. I also got the cold. And then our water heater and dryer decided they would also be calling in sick.  Our wonderful kind friends helped us with drying clothes and warm showers/baths, which was such a gift. And both appliances were fixable, which saved us so much money. So glad Jeremy is good at fixing things! I mentioned in a Facebook post that when things break, I tend to throw in the towel. “Oh well, guess we’ll have to buy a new one. And remodel the house while we’re at it!” Jeremy just makes a trip to Home Depot, gets out his drill, and goes to work.  Anyway, that was the weekend after La...

This past week was a rough one. Bastian had a tooth coming in, which is always a fun time! After about a week of crankiness and runny nose, I decided to take him to check his ears for infection since he seems to get ear infections with every new tooth that comes in. And sure enough, he had a double ear infection, so we started antibiotics. On top of that, it turns out he also got a pretty bad cold, so he had a really terrible time last weekend and the first part of this week. We’re out of the weeds now, for the moment, but these are just some things I was thinking about over the past week or two. I get really out of sorts when the status quo is off. Like, my plans fall through, or one or both kids don’t sleep well, or my nice, relaxing weekend is suddenly sleep-deprived and full of sickness. Obviously that type of situation will affect you, but I can really get thrown off and impose my own crankiness on everyone else. It feels unfair. I’ve also noticed that I tend to place my hopes...

How many of you feel guilty when you say “no”? Or do you feel pressured to say “yes” to every offer or request? Or maybe you don’t like saying either, so you give a vague answer like “maybe” and secretly hope you can wiggle out of it later? It’s hard to set limits, both for ourselves and as we relate to other people. For one thing, we worry about what people will think of us if we tell them we either can’t or choose not to do something. So we say “yes” out of fear/guilt. On the other hand, if you’re a “yes” type and like to volunteer for lots of things, you can feel guilty about what other things take a hit from having to shuffle priorities. There’s a character in Bleak House named Mrs. Jellyby. While her household runs amok, she fastidiously writes letters related to setting up a mission for a tribe in Africa. Certainly a noble cause. But she ignores the needs around her and her current obligations, even as her children cry from neglect and her husband wears a hole in the wall f...

The walls I built up did not come down easily. They were effective for sure, and they kept out the pain I wanted to avoid, but they were deceptive. They were quietly betraying me. The problem with a wall is that, while it keeps out bad things, it also keeps out good things. When I told Jeremy back in 2006 that I was not interested in dating him, it was because of a wall intended to keep out heartbreak or being let down. When I decided that I would not care at all about anyone’s approval or opinions (e.g. emotionally “shut down”), it was because of a wall intended to keep out the pain of disapproval and not being “good enough.” When I kept friends at a distance, not letting anyone get too close, it was because of a wall intended to keep out people who might betray my trust or not come through for me. And as with a lot of things, what starts out as a good intention or idea, when not kept in check, turns into something that controls you in the end. There’s wisdom in...

A few days ago I came across something from a long, long time ago in a galaxy far away: a Tiffany charm. It reminded me of my very first trip to New York City when I was twenty years old. Gather round, children, and listen. It was New Years 2006, and I was a junior in college. A couple of my friends were going with a larger group of their friends to NYC for about 4 days over New Years. I had a couple connections, but the main connection to this group was a guy I had previously been dating but was no longer dating. Yeah, so... about that... We'll call him George. George and I had been friends since our freshman year and had admitted we were interested in each other toward the beginning of my junior year. He wasn't in college with me at the time but lived in the same city, so we saw each other and were "an item" or whatever. Fast forward a bit and he said he wanted to talk... bad sign. Anyway, it was the worst news you could get and things ended between us. That w...